Demise of a Productivity Junkie?

There’s a Yiddish proverb that goes something like “We plan, God laughs”.  Woody Allen tweaked it to be “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans.”

I’m more interested in making my friends laugh, (although I’m sure God could use a good giggle what with all the nonsense humans are up to these days), so I’ve tweaked it further still:

If you want to make your mommy friends point and laugh hysterically at you until their already-limited bladder control fails them, tell them your plans for your maternity leave.

Not nearly as elegant as those Yiddish folk, but I’m going with it. 

As of today, I am 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  I’m told I will be a mommy any day now, but that hasn’t really sunk in yet.  Because I am a teacher with the glorious perk of summers off, I have been enjoying a life of leisure and rest for the past 6 weeks.  Manis and pedis, catching up with my gorgeous and fabulous friends, napping, nesting (that is actually code for shopping).  It has been wonderful to have this time off before Baby arrives; I know not many women have this luxury and I have not taken a nanosecond of it for granted.

And I still have another year off to go, time that I will share with my wee one once my maternity leave officially begins.

Now, I am a very productive person by nature.  I measure most days by how productive I’ve been – how many things I managed to tick off my to do list.  While my mobility has been slowing down over the last 6 weeks due to my ever-expanding belly, I have remained highly productive (whilst still enjoying a life of leisure).  Chores are done, books are read, meals are cooked, plans are made.  Yes, plans are made. I have a whole year off ahead of me…surely I will have some time to satisfy my inner productivity junkie!

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I absolutely cannot relate to this.

I reached out to some of my friends with children to ask them what plans and goals they felt were realistic to set during maternity leave.  Below is my list of plans next to theirs…

My Plans/Goals
1. Blog every other day

2. Read some of my favourite blogs from their beginning to present post
3. Spend 30 minutes on the treadmill/working out daily
4. Try a new recipe each week
5. Run a race
6. Try some of the DIY decor and gift ideas I have pinned
7. Keep up with professional reading
8. Go for monthly mani/pedi
9. Stay connected with friends through coffee dates and visits
10. Learn how to take and edit high-quality photographs

Suggestions From My Friends Who Know Better

1. Put on fresh sweats every day
2. Nap whenever possible – screw reading
3. Spend 30 seconds brushing your teeth, preferably twice a day
4. Remember to eat
5. Nap – screw the race
6. Try not to fall down the stairs while holding the baby
7. NAP, DAMMIT
8. Style your hair (what’s left of it) once a month – (the messy, greasy ponytail is not a style)
9. Finish a whole cup of coffee while it is hot
10. Learn how to make peace with losing yourself for awhile

Of course, everything on my list would be done either while Baby is sleeping, is beside me cooing and swinging contentedly, or while Daddy is on duty.  That said, I’m getting the distinct impression that I may have set the bar a wee bit too high for myself and my time during maternity leave.  (And is it just me, or is Number 10 on my friends’ list a little disconcerting…?) I trust my friends and fully believe them when they tell me that maternity leave is not the time to set lofty goals or to make plans beyond getting through the day.  The productivity junkie in me is struggling to accept this as her new reality though; I think she needs to prepare herself to be very neglected this year.  Twelve months from now, I will re-visit my list here and see how laughable my plans actually were.  Stay tuned!

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